archive: SETI Sagan: Xmas Files

SETI Sagan: Xmas Files

Larry Klaes ( )
Thu, 10 Dec 1998 09:16:22 -0500

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>Date: Thu, 10 Dec 1998 03:43:12 CST6CDT,3,-1,0,7200,10,-1,0,10800,3600
>X-OldDate: 10 Dec 98 09:42:08 +0100
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>From: (Source - Richard)
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>Subject: Sagan: Xmas Files
>"The Xmas-Files"
>by Frank Cammuso and Hart Seely
>57 Elm Street
>Bethlehem, Pa.
>11:51 p.m., December 24th.
>"We're too late! It's already been here."
>"Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing."
>"Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated,
>mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly;
>stockings hung by the chimney, with care."
>"You really think someone's been here?"
>"Someone, or something."
>"Mulder, over here--it's a fruitcake."
>"Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal."
>"It's O.K. There's a note attached: 'Gonna find out who's naughty and
>"It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list."
>"Who? What are you talking about?"
>"Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at
>great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once a year, near
>the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the heavens
>to reward its followers and punish disbelievers with jagged chunks of
>"But that's legend, Mulder--a story told by parents to frighten
>children. Surely you don't believe it?"
>"Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on this
>gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was
>massive--and in a hurry."
>"It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk glass has been
>completely drained."
>"It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse."
>"But why would they leave it milk and cookies?"
>"Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding."
>"But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and windows
>were locked. There's no sign of forced entry."
>"Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace."
>"Wait a minute, Mulder. If you're saying some huge creature landed on
>the roof and came down this chimney, you're crazy. The flue is barely
>six inches wide. Nothing could get down there."
>"But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions at once?"
>"You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?"
>"Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a child my
>home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long white shanks of fur
>surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red and
>white. I'll never forget the horror. I turned away, and when I looked
>back it had somehow taken on the facial features of my father."
>"I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought me a Mr.
>Potato Head, Scully. It knew that I wanted a Mr. Potato Head!"
>"I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws of
>physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars
>across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and boys. Listen
>to what you're saying. Do you understand the repercussions? If this gets
>out, they'll close the X-files."
>"Scully, listen to me: It knows when you're sleeping. It knows when
>you're awake."
>"But we have no proof."
>"Last year, on this exact date, SETI radio telescopes detected bogeys in
>the airspace over twenty-seven states. The White House ordered a
>Condition Red."
>"But that was a meteor shower."
>"Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer vanished
>from the National Zoo, in Washington, D.C. Nobody--not even the
>zookeeper--was told about it. The government doesn't want people to know
>about Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved to exist
>the public will stop spending half its annual income in a holiday
>shopping frenzy. Retail markets will collapse. Scully, they cannot let
>the world believe this creature lives. There's too much at stake.
>They'll do whatever it takes to insure another silent night."
>"Mulder, I--"
>"Sh-h-h. Do you hear what I hear?"
>"On the roof. It sounds like ... a clatter."
>"The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter."
>It's reet spooky like
>Anus Crumb
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